


Look After You

by YamiAki96



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Cancer, Caring Dean, Crying, Doctor Charlie, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mentions of Childhood Cancer, Scared Castiel, Scared Dean, Triggers, lots of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2246553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiAki96/pseuds/YamiAki96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean finds out his boyfriend may have cancer, his whole world changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look After You

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know much about cancer or cancer patients. I don’t know what kind of tests are run. This idea just came to mind and I wanted to write it down. If there is anything wrong or anything I need to add, please tell me.

Dean Winchester pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders as he walked to his boyfriends house. Cas had called him earlier that day and asked him to come over. No questioned asked, Dean said he’d be there.

Castiel’s dad opened the door when Dean knocked, and Dean knew something was wrong. Chuck’s eyes were red and looked exhausted.

“Hey, Dean,” He said quietly.

“Hey, Chuck. Is everything okay?” The older man shook his head. 

“Cas is upstairs,” Was all he said before disappearing into his home office.

Dean made his way up to Castiel’s bedroom, knocking lightly before entering.

Cas was sitting on his bed, flipping methodically through a text book. He didn’t look up when Dean came in.

“Hello, Dean.” Dean sat down on the bed with him, trying to meet his eyes.

“Hey, babe. What’s up?” Cas didn’t answer. “Cas, you’re scaring me.”

Castiel took a shaky breath and took both of Dean’s hands into his.

“There may be a problem,” He said. Dean’s mouth went dry and he tightened his grip on Cas’s hands.

“What kind of problem?” He whispered.

“Something came up some blood tests I had. They think my cancer might be back,” Cas said. Dean started shaking lightly and Cas tightened his grip. “I’m going for tests in a few days.”

“But it’s been years,” Dean said. He remembered when the Shurley’s moved to Lawrence. Cas’s siblings - Michael, Lucifer, and Gabriel - all strong and ramboncous, and Cas - tired, lonely, sickly Cas- skinny and hairless. Strange in Dean’s eyes until Mary sat him down and tearfully explained to Dean what Leukemia was.

Dean started playing with Cas after that. Giving up time running around and yelling for time playing board games and talking quietly. The boys became inseperable after only a few weeks. After a year and a half, Cas went into remission and was cancer free.

Until now.

“It could be nothing, Dean,” The younger boy said, earnestly.

“You wouldn’t have called me if you thought it was nothing,” Dean said back.

“I called you because I thought you should know. You’re more than my boyfriend, Dean. You’re my best friend. I need you right now.” Cas came forward and settled in Dean’s arms.

“I’m gonna be okay,” He said against Dean’s neck.Dean hated himself in that moment. He should be the one comforting Castiel, not the other way around. He tightened his arms around Cas and breathed him in.

They stayed like that for a long time, wrapped up in one another, until Chuck knocked on the door.

“It’s time for Dean to go home,” He said, but he was smiling slightly. Dean was surprised that it was already dark outside. He disentangled himself from Cas and kissed him lightly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” He promised. Cas nodded and kissed Dean again before letting him go. He patted Chuck on the back as he walked by.

Dean went straight to his room when he got home. He wasn’t ready to talk about it and he didn’t have an appetite for dinner. 

He wanted to throw something. To destroy everything. He was just so angry. Angry at himself, angry at the universe, angry at the God Castiel believed in for doing this. He turned to his dresser to pull out the vodka he’d hidden there years ago and stopped, looking at the only picture hanging on his mirror.

Jo had taken it of him and Cas at the school carnival last year. He was looking at something, smiling a little, and Cas was looking up at him. No, Cas was gazing at him. Even in a picture Dean could see all the love and adoration Cas had for him. He pulled it off the mirror and carried it to the bed with him.

After staring at it for a while, Dean grabbed his laptop and brought up his internet browser. He stayed awake most of the night, looking at as many sights as he could about Leukemia and how to react to and help loved ones who are diagnosed.

At two in the morning he picked up his phone and called Cas.

“Hey,” Cas answered on the first ring.

“I’m going to be with you,” Dean said. “Every step, Cas. No matter what.”

“I know,” Cas said, causing Dean to smile. “I love you, Dean.”

“I love you, too. Good night.”

“Good night, Dean.” Dean waited, but Cas didn’t hang up.

“Will you stay on the phone with me?” Cas finally asked and Dean’s chest constricted at how unsure he sounded.

“Yeah, baby. Whatever you need,” Dean turned off his lap and settled into bed as Cas began telling him some ridiculous story about Gabriel and a baking accident. After an hour Cas yawned and words started sounding like nonsense, then finally became quiet snores that lulled Dean to sleep, too.

A week later, they were parked in front of the doctors office. Cas squeezed Dean’s hand harder than he meant to.

“Cas, no matter what, I’m not going anywhere, okay? Just try to relax as much as you can.” Cas nodded and got out of the car. He went to talk to the receptionist while Dean sat down. Cas sat to him with a cliboard, hands shaking so badly that his letters were crooked.

“Here, let me,” Dean said gently, taking the board from him. He filled out what he knew, asking Cas what he didn’t. Dean carried the board back to the reception desk, then wrapped his arm around Cas.

“Castiel,” Cas jumped when the nurse called his name. “Your friend can come with you to the exam room.”

Cas gripped Dean’s hand tightly as the nurse led them back to the room.

The exam room had a poster with a TARDIS and the words “Trust Me, I’m The Doctor” written on it. It made Cas laugh and Dean smiled.

After a while, a red headed woman walked in, giving both boys a smile.

“Hello! I’m Charlie,” She held a hand out to Cas. “I’ll be your doctor.”

“I like your poster,” Cas said, shaking her hand. “I’m Castiel, and this is my boyfriend, Dean.” Dean shook her hand, too, and she sat down.

“I’m not gonna treat you like you’re an idiot. You’ve been through all this before, so you know the deal. But, if there’s anything you’re worried about, you can call me, okay?” Cas nodded. There was a knock on the door and a brunette stuck her head in.

“We’re ready for you,” Cas nodded and stood. He kissed Dean’s forehead and shook Charlie’s hand again before he followed her out.

“Okay, Dean,” She said. “Let’s talk.”

“Huh?” No. Hell no. He didn’t want to talk about this. This wasn’t about him.

“Do you love him?” Dean nodded. “I thought so. It’s scary, to love someone who’s sick. I want you to know what you’re feeling is completely normal.”

“It’s normal that I want to run away from him and not look back? That, despite that, I want to stay right next to him?”

“Yes, Dean. You look like a tough guy, yeah? You have a problem and you come out swinging. But this-” Dean stood up.

“I’ve gotta go,” He said. Charlie caught his hand.

“These have a lot of information in them,” She said, handing Dean some pamplets. “I think it will help you to read over them.”

Dean took them, then pratically ran to the car. He threw the pamplets in the passenger seat and opened the dash, digging through it until he found his flask. He opened it it and was about to chug the whole thing down when he saw Cas coat in the rearview mirror.

He put the flask down and reached back for it. He breathed in Cas’s smell and let out a sigh that sounded like a sob in his own ears. 

After a minute, he got out of the car and walked back to the exam room. Charlie wasn’t there anymore. He sat quietly for what felt like forever, until the door opened and Cas came in. He walked over and curled under Dean’s arm. They didn’t speak and few mintes late Charlie came back, as well.

“I’ll call you when the results are in. It may be a few day, it may be more. Here’s my number, call me anytime you need to.” She handed both of them a card and sent them on their way.

The ride home was silent, Dean looked at the road and Cas looked out the window. When they pulled up to his house, Cas kissed Dean’s cheek and went inside without a word.

The next morning, Dean sat John and Mary down and told them. Mary started crying, and even John’s eyes looked a little watery.

“How are you, Dean?” He asked, rubbing comforting circles on Mary’s back.

“I’m okay.” John gave the look, and Dean looked away. “We talked about it. I just thought you guys should know.”

“It’s alright to scared, Dean.” Mary said, reaching for him.

“I can’t be scared, though,” Dean said, not taking her hand. “I have to be the strong one, so Cas can be scared. I’m supposed to get him through this.”

“Dean,” John sighed, moving to sit next to him. Dean was surprised when he wrapped an arm around him. “It’s okay to be afraid. This...this isn’t something you can punch in the face, Dean. It’s alright.” Tears started to stream down the younger Winchester’s face and he burrowed into his dad’s chest.

“I can’t lose, Cas. I can’t‒I can’t,” John shushed him and started rubbing his back comfortingly.

“Just let it out. It’s okay. It’s all gonna be okay, Dean.”

Mary touched his hair, kissed the top of his head, then disappeared into the kitchen. A few minutes later the smell of rice and tomatos filled the air. Dean finally pulled away, wiping his face on his shirt sleeve.

“Go call Cas,” John said, when Mary came back in. “Invite him for dinner.”

“Okay. Just don’t treat him different. It may be nothing.” 

They had agreed, but as soon as Mary saw Cas she started crying again.

“I’m okay,” Cas promised her, hugging her tight. Cas’s mom had taken off when he was little, so Mary was the closest thing to a mom he had.

“I know, sweetie. You two just go on up stairs. I’ll call you when it’s done.” They did as they were told, and ended up spread across Dean’s bed, limbs tangled together.

“What did you tell Sam?” Cas asked. Cas and Sam had gotten close since Cas started tutoring him in Math the year before. Dean sighed.

“I didn’t. There’s no need to get him worked up until we know there’s something for him to get worked up over, you know? Kid’s already messed up enough since Ruby….” Dean trailed off, not wanting to think about it.

“Do you have any alcohol?” Dean jerked up, staring at Cas, mouth hanging open.

“It’s been stressful, Dean. Dad can’t even look at me without tearing up. I need something to take the edge off, okay? And I know you have some hidden in your dresser.” Dean shook his head. 

“I gave it to Ash. I quit. Because you hate it.”

“You chose a helluva time, D.” Cas sighed. “I guess you’ll just have to-” Dean’s mouth covered his before he could go any farther. They made out until Mary called them down to dinner.

Dean spent a lot of time with Cas in the following days, and Cas depended on that time to keep him sane. He even went with the Winchester’s to visit Sam in the dention hall he’d placed in, even though it broke his heart to see the fifteen year old so miserable, and to hear Mary crying the whole way home. It reminded him too much of the night Ruby had convinced Sam to break into a convinence store, then he’d almost overdosed on the drugs they bought - would have, if Dean hadn’t found him.

“My brothers are coming home,” Cas said one day, after they ordered lunch. They were having burgers at the Roadhouse before they went to the movies.

“All of them?” Cas nodded.

“Gabe and Luci will be here tomorrow. Michael won’t be able to leave work until next week.”

“Do they know about us?” Cas gave him a look.

“We’ve been dating for three years, Dean. It’s come up.”

“Do I have to come to family dinner?”

“You don’t have to,” Cas said. “But I’d like it if you would.”

“Okay,” Cas looked up, smiling. 

When Gabriel and Lucifer came back to town the next day, Dean stayed at home. He wanted Cas to spend time with his brothers. His phone stayed silent all day, too, meaning Cas had wanted the same thing.

Until two in the morning, when Dean’s phone woke him up.

“Hello?” He asked, half asleep.

“Dean,” Cas’s slurred voice came through the tiny speaker.

“Cas? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Well, no. I dunno, Dean.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Gabe bought me some. I told him I needed it and he just did it.” Cas started crying then. “They know ‘m gonna die, Dean. That’s why they’re bein’ nice to me. They know that test are gonna be positive and that I‘m gonna die.”

“You’re not gonna die, Cas. Calm down, okay. Just breathe for me. Like you taught me, alright.” Dean was up, looking for his sweat pants and shoes. Cas was finally starting to calm down.

“Can you come over?” Cas asked, voice still shaking. 

“Have your window open for me.” Dean was already halfway down the stairs. He jotted a note for Mary, then was running down the street.

Dean had discovered a way through Cas’s window a few weeks into their relationship. It was easy to just climb in when they were both i the mood for a late night make out session.

Dean made quick work of the small trellis that Cas had made Chuck install when they were thirteen, then pulled himself onto the roof of the patio. Cas’s window was unlocked and Dena crawled in, not taking the time to close it behind him. He gathered Cas into his arms and Cas started crying. Unable to stop himself, Dean started crying, too.

“Why are you crying?” Cas asked, wiping at Dean’s tears.

“I’m scared,” Dean whispered, holding onto Cas. “I’m so scared, Cas.”

“Me, too.” Cas whispered back.

“I love you,” Dean said into his hair. “I love you, so much, Cas. And I just…I need you so much. You’re the only one that can talk me down and I need you.”

Dean broke down again, bawling into Cas’s pillow. Cas curled against him, running his fingers through his hair until he finally stopped.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said. Cas shook his head.

“Don’t be. I’d worried if you weren’t upset.” Dean touched his cheek.

“You’re freezing. Get under your blankets.” Cas looked like he wanted to argue, but but did what he was told.

“Spend the night?” He yawned.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Dean promised. Cas nestled into his chest. They fell asleep together, breathing each other in.

Dean woke up with an old afgan covering him. Figuring Cas had woken up and found it, he folded it and left it on the foot of his bed. He sneaked down the stairs, avoiding the creaky spots he knew were there. He was about to open the front door when Chuck’s voice came from the kitchen.

“Stay for breakfast, Dean.”

Michael arrived that afternoon. Dean and Cas were watching a movie with Gabe and Lucifer when he came through the door. Cas stood up imediantly, meeting his eyes.

Michael dropped his bags and pulled Cas against him. Cas hugged him back.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” Cas said. “I really am.”

Dinner wasn’t as bad as Dean thought it would be. The Shurley’s mostly joked amongst themselves. Cas held Dean’s hand under the table, squeezing every now and then.

The phone rang and Chuck went to get it. The boys all turned their looks on him then.

“You hurt Cas, we’ll hurt you,” Lucifer said.

“It’s been three years,” Cas pointed out. “I think we’re good on that.”  
“We’re just making it known,” Gabe said. “Big brothers and all.”

“Trust me,” Dean said, looking at them. “I’m not gonna hurt, Cas. Cas is the only thing keepin’ me together.”

“Glad that’s settled then. Who wants pie?”

A few days after the dinner, Cas barged into Dean’s room. Dean didn’t move from his position, laying on his back on his bed, looking upside-down at Cas.

“Where are your parents?”

“They just left for dinner and a movie. Why?”

“I want to have sex.” Dean jerked up, turning so he could face his boyfriend.

“What?” Cas sighed.

“Charlie called me. My results are in and I’m going to see her tomorrow. And I want to have sex with you.” Cas walked over to the bed, straddling Dean’s hips, and sitting in his lap. He kissed him, hard, not like Cas at all. 

Dean pulled away, shaking his head. “Cas-”

“I want this,” Cas said, grabbing his face so he could look into Dean’s eyes. “I want you.”

“Tomorrow, after the doctor.” Dean said. Cas shook his head.

“Dean, I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of months. I really want this,” Castiel kissed him again, gentle this time. “Please?”

Kiss by kiss, Dean started to give in. He let Cas button and push away his shirt, run his hands all over Dean’s body in a way that was so familar, yet so foreign to them. Dean did the same to Cas, shifting so that the smaller boy was laying under him, dropping kisses across his collar bone and down his stomach.

“You’re sure?” Dean asked quietly.

“Yes, Dean.”

They finished undressing each other, hands exploring the skin that neither of them had seen. Dean got lost in Castiel’s soft sighs and moans, the way his hands tightened on his shoulders when something felt right. The way Castiel cried out when they fell over the edge together. They lay tangled in the sheets and each other, basking in the after glow.

“It’s snowing,” Castiel said, quietly, running his fingers through Dean’s short hair. Dean didn’t respond, kissing Castiel’s neck instead. He forced himself up after a moment and went to get a wash cloth from the bathroom.

“You okay?” He asked, gently dabbing at Castiel’s skin.

“I’m great,” Cas smiled up at him. Dean leaned down and kissed him again.

“I love you, Cas.”

“I love you, too, Dean.” Cas studied his face, seeing what Dean was trying to hide. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I just…” Dean turned and picked something up, placing it in Castiel’s hand.

“Your ring?” 

“I want you to wear it. So I’m always with you or whatever,” Dean said, looking down, cheeks pink. 

“Dean, you’re father gave you this. Are you sure you want to‒”

“I am. If you don’t want to…if there’s something else…” Cas slipped the ring on, silencing Dean. Then he reached up to unclasp his medallion. His aunt had given it to him when he went into remisson and Dean had never seen him without it.

“No, Cas‒”

“Dean. Shut up,” Cas put the necklace around his neck. “It’s for protection. And I have plenty of that with you beside me.”

They showered together, then Cas went to find a movie for them to watch while Dean changed his sheets.

John and Mary came in just as the credits were rolling. Neither were surprised to find Cas there. Mary kissed the tops of both of their heads.

“Did you boys have fun tonight?” Dean and Cas smiled at each other.

“Yeah. Tons.” Dean said. 

Dean drove Cas home, but instead of getting out of the car, Cas turned to look at him.

“I don’t think you should come tomorrow,” He said.

“What?”

“There’s already going to be so many people with my family there and-”

“Cas, I want to be there.”

“I’ll come to your house right after.”

“No, Cas, I want to be beside you, like I promised. I need to be. Please.” Cas sighed.

“Fine. Okay. Meet us at the office at eight?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

The next morning Charlie’s office was filled with grumpy men. No one had gotten much sleep the night before.

“Full house today, huh?” Charlie said. She opened the file and looked very seriously at Castiel.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” She started. Dean’s stomach and heart dropped. “You’re going to have deal with these people for a very, very long time.”

“They’re negative?”

“No cancer anywhere,” Charlie nodded. “You could get a second opinion, but I’m pretty sure it will come back clear, too.”

While Cas was hugging his brothers and dad, Dean looked at Charlie.

“You scared the ever living fuck out of me.” Charlie gave him a look.

“I told Cas the results on the phone yesterday. He requested this meeting so I could tell everyone else, too.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Cas responded, his arms going around Dean’s middle. “I wanted you to hear I was okay from a medical professional.”

Dean was too happy to be upset that Cas hadn’t told him. He leaned down and kissed him lightly.

“Guess I’m stuck with you, then.” Cas smiled.

“I guess you are.”


End file.
